Epic Cynicism

I'll be the first to admit that i can be a major cynic. I constantly attack my own religion. not because i think everything is wrong, necessarily, but because sometimes as Christians we think, "hey, we got this savior thing right, obviously we can do no wrong!" ridiculous, right? but honestly, tebow being a Christian doesn't make him a better ball player. in all honesty, he went against that verse about praying in public for you own glory... you can bitch at me all day that he was just giving glory to God, but God doesn't really need the help of a back-up football player.... just saying.

i finally got around to watching "happy thoughts" by tosh. i flipping love that guy. anyways, he said something i've been trying to tell people for years.
http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/vpwh7u/stand-up-daniel-tosh--to-the-mormons
about 45 seconds, in tosh says something to the effect of, even if the state legalizes gay marriage, they still won't get into heaven. while i'm not sure i agree with that statement, it's a very good point. suck it up. just because someone doesn't live up to your standard, doesn't mean they're bad people. new-flash: i left a Christian school to go to public school. and you know what? the people there are much nicer, especially the gay kids.

back to the point. you know that phrase, iron sharpens iron? i can't remember where it's found (i left Christian school before we got to that part...), but it means were supposed to hold each other accountable. that's a good idea, obviously. we need to keep with our beliefs, specifically what the Bible says EXPLICITLY. here's where i have a problem. why is it like the worst thing in the world to call each other out when we look like complete idiots to everyone else on earth? im not talking about the things that are Biblical, God commands, etc. I'm talking about the legalization of gay marriage, drugs, letting a mtf transgender girl into girl scouts, and not trying to capitalize on making a Christian version of every secular bestseller out there, especially the controversial ones. such as a book i found at my local lifeway called fifty shades of GRACE. (i only go because i have this weird weakness for Christian chick lit) http://www.christianbook.com/fifty-shades-grace-devotions-celebrating-unlimited/9781605874272/pd/874272?item_code=WW&netp_id=1026114&event=ESRCG&view=details

this seems ridiculous. my faith is not undermined by your sin, if you are sinning. your faith isn't undermined by my sinning, either.

The Great Disappointment

I have been waiting to read the Great Gatsby for a long time. I don't know why I never got around to it before, but now that I have, I'm sorry that I ever did.
Originally, I thought Gatsby was this awesome dude with a crazy life and cool back-story. Not so. He's a whiny wuss that lies and cheats his way into money to get into a girls pants. He has no real morals besides not binge-drinking, which is hypocritical since he hosts drunken parties almost every night. How did this become a great name in literature? He needs to man up. Almost as annoying as Gatsby are his "friends."
For instance, there's the idiot Daisy who doesn't realize her husbands cheating, or might just not give a rip. In which case she and Gatsby can have each other. But wait, Gatsby's dead (thank God) because Daisy's punk husband won't man up either and lies to some random dude who pops into the story as the husband of the chick Daisy's husband is cheating with. So all these people belong in a soap opera, and in comes Nick the narrator who does nothing but kiss Gatsby's butt because the big phony has money. Then everybody moves out west.
Oh wait, I almost forgot one of the most useless characters: Jordan whatever her name was. She had literally no use in the story beside being kiss butt's booty call.

Suffice to say, this piece of literature has left me hanging...

proud child of the third millennium

so, i have a lot of "older" friends on Facebook. i grew up around people who are middle aged, plus the daughter of one of the couples. all this to say, my feed gets clogged with some interesting "forwards" or "shares" or whatever you want to call them. 2 of the trending ones have caught my attention. one is about how spanking is fine, doesn't hurt the kid, how people who learn the "switch dance" are better for it. fine. that's cool. you are ok with spanking. i'm not going to look down on you for it (although the budding psychologist in me wants to cite some research...).i wasn't spanked as a child, although most of my friends question that decision on my parents' part. i turned out fine... well, interesting... however you want to take that. i'm not dead, diseased, or incarcerated, so i guess i don't completely fail. the other is about the street light being your curfew and a bunch of other sentimental stuff. and of course we have the self-righteous 90's kids... FYI, i remember enough of the 90's to miss them, so i'm not completely in the dark. great, you have pride in your generation. i applaud you for your self-confidence. but don't project your self-confidence onto me in the form of constantly telling me how sucky my music is or how disney channel stars don't have talent. mind you, i am not defending miley cyrus or one direction or anything, just making a point.
here's the deal: i'm happy i grew up watching rugrats all grown up and zoey 101. i'm happy that i went to a few jump5 concerts when i was a pre-teen, as well as a hilary duff one. i still sing jesse mccartney when i have self-esteem issues (i AM a beautiful soul, darnit!). i had a crush on phil of the future, and cried at the end of the lizzie mcguire movie. (confession, i had a bit of a girl-crush on hilary duff)
i must reming 90's kids of a few things, though: backstreet boys, new kids on the block, n'sync, spice girls... you get where i'm going with this, i hope. (and why in the world did you kill off kurt cobain?) and to the older ones: men without hats, abba (debatable), men at work, village people.... (i'm only citing music because i know a small amount about music, as opposed to movies, TV, or random trends, of which i know close to nothing)
back to the first 2 trends: times change. that's the bottom line, i guess. in 1 AD, kids could go in a caravan to go live with relatives for a few years. whatever. women got married of by their fathers for political reasons. cool. people also got sliced down the middle and dropped through trap doors, their innards falling on people far below. (it's really cool to look through those trapdoors, though.) culture CHANGES. not always for the better, not always for the worse (probably improper grammar, sorry mommy). and we have to accept that. i'm probably going to hate the music my kids listen to, as well as the shows they watch and the toys they play with (once they exercise their free-will. till then it's organic fairy dolls, disney movies, avatar (last airbender and legend of korea, not that pocahontas junk), and the fray). but i'm going to suffer through it with a smile on my face, because what some people don't understand about culture, especially in kids, is that we begin to identify with it so deeply, that bits of it get stuck to our DNA (not really, just an illustration). when you insult anberlin, i hurt a little bit. and when i make cracks about the beatles, my mom looks a little mopey (nothing against the beatles, sometimes i just have to retaliate against the snide comments about my katy perry CD).
bottom line: my name is abbey, i was born in 1995, and i may or may not have a camp rock poster above my bed. so deal with it and shut your face.

I believe

i believe
in faeries
in love
in me
i believe
that sparkles can make anyone happy
and that stars are wishes
on their way to God
i believe that
teddy bears fight the monsters under the bed
that every sweatshirt should be made of french terry
and moonlight is for walking in

i believe
in life
in super heroes
and
most of all
that all dogs go to heaven

have a merry merry un-birthday!

not my unbirthday, but my rebirth-day. well, technically it's tomorrow, June 19. but w/e. i'll have been a Christian for 4 years as of tomorrow around 8 or 9 PM. pretty sweet, huh? some crazy stuff has gone down since then. i finished my list of stupidity (otherwise known as all the things i thought teenagers do, which it turns out we do), realized how much i hated finishing the list of stupidity, did more stupid things, did smart things, traversed parts of a more civilized place called Europe (where i also did stupid things), became lovable in a cute and cuddly way, and hopefully passed my SAT's. and what have i learned? lots of things. one, hannibal was fricking sweet. not the serial killer, but the big black guy who almost took over italy. he was pretty cool for a general dude. two, hair dye is your best friend as a pseudo-rebel. lolz. also, do not pierce your own ears, mostly because the aim will most likely be off. i know, i've tried. but on a more serious, obnoxiously religious note, i've learned that God has mercy. sometimes it doesn't feel like it, i've been through enough to know that sometimes He feels distant and spiteful. i mean, my life systematically falls apart, even when i DON'T help it along. and it sucks. but all the times i've screwed up, i've been picked back up. i mean, I'M STILL ALIVE. i didn't really expect that, to be honest. for pete's sake, my own head works against me half the time. but i'm still here. and thats something to celebrate. i'm not trying to sound completely self-absorbed, i' just trying to use myself as an example. i've literally had people tell me they're surprised i've survived this long. what i'm trying to say? God forgives and forgets, even when our bodies and minds don't. i'm living proof of God's mercy, because they're no way in hell i could have survived without someone watching over me. P.S., check out joshua james, he's my current obsession. folk music at it's finest! link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ihisZL3X9o

The trouble with gossip

I am witnessing a phenomena I don't know how to classify. It is something I have definitely fallen prey to, perhaps more than I even realize. It's not gossip, although I do that sometimes. It's modeling myself after gossip. I have found that over time we develop such a hunger for attention that we sacrifice our own image for this attention. I really do think negative attention is a problem. I have listened countless times to people gossiping about the new teen pregnancy or drug addict. People always seem so concerned about those people. Is it a side effect to become that new piece of gossip for the attention? I think it is. I think we as humans crave attention so much that we follow in the footsteps of those who are discussed. I mean, if all you hear about as a kid is how good certain people are, doesn't that make you want to be like them? Does it work the same way in the other direction? Obviously, this is not universal. If your self worth is properly developed, you probably won't have that attention seeking desire. But what about kids who never developed a self worth properly? I don't think the problem with today's teens is necessarily an immaturity from being spoiled, although that is definitely one of the elements. I think maybe the obsession with success is undermining the next generation, causing us to look for emotional fulfillment wherever we can. Maybe I'm just restating what hundreds of developmental psychologists have already studied, but I don't know those psychologists, and I honestly think no one would listen to someone with a degree. They were obviously brainwashed..... *facepalm* I need to sleep. This much philosophizing is making me exhausted... :)

Never Have I Ever....

I find it a funny game. You go around the group and say "never have I ever...." *insert inappropriate actions here* Sometimes, when you play with more sophisticated people, you talk about countries you've been to or something of that nature. But the bottom line is: you want to distinguish yourself from others by using generally degrading things. What if you played with Jesus?

Is being a team player another way of being forced to conform???

I'm reading my Sociology book, working on an assignment that is due today. Yes, I procrastinated. Anyways, it has brought up a question. It imitates the joke about being taught that your spoon is an airplane, then being told later not to play with your food. Confusing, right? Funny? Definitely. But developmentally, this is a problem. Not the airplane, but team sports. I mean think about it, at a young age our parents shove us into sports or groups to learn how to act. "See how Angie listens to her mommy? You should play with Angie..." But what happens when Angie becomes a slut or drug addict? Then it's "you better not hang out with Angie, she's a bad influence..." Wouldn't it be easier to teach your kids how to be themselves and think critically? I know that developmentally they are unable to think abstractly, but putting rules in place and teaching them to follow those rules regardless of peers seems like it would be more productive......... "If all your friends were going to jump off a cliff, would you?" "Well, if none of the other mom's said that, would you????"

Blinded by God

I am a Christian. Hopefully people can tell from my actions. Sure, I'm working through stuff, so not everything checks out just yet. I've screwed up, I'll admit it. But I've watched Christians my entire life, taking mental notes about behavior amongst other Christians and also those of other religions. I have a bit of a knack for psychology and sociology, so my observations can be held to some standard. And this is all generalities, I understand not everyone is like this, just a big enough population to notice and categorize.
Anyways, I've noticed something. Christians are so obsessed with looking good in front of God, that they forget to look at themselves from the worlds perspective. Yes, we need to be set apart, but that shouldn't be because everyone else despises us. I know so many non-Chrisians that won't hang out with Christians because they're so stuck up. With our focus in truth and being set apart, I think we might forget that we're supposed to be an example of love, when all we talk about is the shortcomings of others. Also, why should we hold the rest of the world to our standards? We would be offended if a Muslim man forced me to wear a hijab, but find it acceptable to force others to conform to our laws. Enough ranting for today. Feel free to discuss, all 4 of you who read this... :)

There's No Such Thing As Crazy

i know that nobody actually reads this, save like 3 people... maybe. but whatever. atleast my thoughts get out there. i have a big pet peeve, which i've discussed before to some extent. no body knows about mental illness, right? but does that make it any less of an illness? today in my behavioral sciences class i got into a little spat with some skinny, stuck up chick that obviously just wanted the easy A. i, for one, was extremely excited to take a class where i got a taste of what the rest of my life will hopefully look like. anyways, we were talking about kip kinkel after watching a video about him. we were discussing whether or not he should be moved to a mental facility instead of prison, which would probably be torture for someone with schizophrenia, which is believed to be what kip has. if you don't know who he is, he is the guy who shot kids at his school the year before columbine happened. his sentence and other things were influenced greatly by columbine, because the general public was especially fired up. when being questioned, and was later revealed in his journals, is that he heard voices compelling him to kill his parents and go shoot up his school. this was not the only reason he did it, but quite possibly the main reason. the jury is still out on this. anyways, i was advocating for his transfer to a mental institution so he could receive adequate care. then miss know-it-all decided to comment that he shouldn't get special treatment and that he obviously has a choice. to which i sort of lost control and asked her if she had any experience with mental illness, to which she replied no. then our teacher shut us down, but i was livid and started crying a little. see, when i'm pissed, i cry. it's probably left over from when i was little and no one listened when i told them what was wrong, they would just decide to let whoever was picking on me go, and blame me for everything. yes, bad memories. i am also extremely tired for some odd reason. so now i'm sitting behind a computer keyboard with a grudge and some eloquently worded jabs that will be forthcoming. are you saying that i woke up one day and chose to have violent moodswings during which i am either on the couch crying or sullen, or laughing hysterically and losing control of my words and actions? and i have MILD bi-polar. yeah, have you ever thought what it would be like to have imaginary voices in your head telling you to kill people? or to have absolutely no desire to be around people, or watch a movie, or do anything you enjoy? or be so afraid of everything you're constantly shaking? i found out recently that i might have an anxiety disorder on top of the ADD and bi-polar. granted, my bi-polar and ADD aren't that severe. luckily i can still function and communicate with some "normalcy." and you know what? i'm not going to shut up. ever. most people who are "sane" enough to fit in with society are too scared to say anything to speak up for themselves. guess what, i'm not gonna stand for that. it's highly likely that my offspring will have a mental disorder, i know the statistics well enough to be almost positive of that. and there is no way in hell that they're going to think there's something "wrong" with them. there's a little girl at my church who has a tumor and under-developed kidneys. i honestly don't know the family more than a 'hi' when passing by (i go to a huge church, OK?). but my point is, would you tell that little angel's family that she chose to have a tumor? no. then why do we blame kids and adults with mental illnesses for their sickness? personally, i look to my fellow crazy and call myself bi-winning. (PS heres the site for the little girl. http://princessmaggie.com/Princess_Magdalene/About_Me.html her name is Maggie. my prayers are constantly with the family... )

Being Aware Doesn't Mean Ribbons

i'm annoyed today. luckily, i'm annoyed at something specific and logical. awareness. i googled awareness, and the first thing that popped up was cancer awareness. i scrolled to the second page, and saw an awareness blog for eating disorders. yay! i kept scrolling through pages. page 7? diabetic eye care awareness.... uhm? i gave up after ten pages because i knew it would never come. no one is going to give money to help those of us with mental disorders. i guess i'm somewhat of an anomaly. i like it when people know that i'm bi-polar. (that is the current consensus as to my mental dysfunction, but they could always change it...) my mother hates it when i tell people. i figure God made me this way, so why should i hide it? and above anything else, i want to speak out about how hard it is to be crazy (the term i will use to describe me and my compatriots because it is broad enough, and i get to say it because i'm me... but if you call me crazy you WILL get cut!!). we don't get a voice. us crazies get looked at, locked up, dismissed, and stigmatized. why is that? the general public crucifies anyone who even subconciously makes fun of someone with a mental disability (or whatever the new PC word is to call it) like asbergers or autism, but people can get away with calling me crazy? and beyond that, who even knows that may is mental health awareness month? I didn't even know! yes, cancer is bad and needs to be eradicated (although the conspiracy theorist in me says they're just screwing us over and already have the cure), but what about us crazy people? we have the ability to be contributing members of society, i promise you. yet once we get diagnosed it's hard to find jobs and healthcare. i am told to be tolerant of every religion, lifestyle choice, color, language, culture, gender, nongender, car, food, body shape, shoe size, muffin flavor, and math class, but no one ever told me to be tolerant of other peoples minds. everybody knows that when you see someone in a wheelchair, you better not make fun of them. but what do parents say to kids when they ask about the man in the park who talks to trees? "don't talk to him, honey, he's crazy and dangerous..." what happen when that kid grows up and can't go outside because he's afraid of poodles? or dirt? or something equally ridiculous to someone without a clue about mental disorders? then the nextdoor kid asks why that funny man never comes out of his house, maybe we should go visit him... "no,no, sweetie, he's dangerous..." meanwhile this 17 year old girl sits and wonders why no one cares about a disease that almost ruined her life. maybe i should become diabetic... atleast they get webpages...

Race and other 4 letter words....

So, yesterday I posted about the Trayvon case on my Facebook, which got some anger and cursing and general judging of my intentions without letting me explain, or else not taking the time to even ask. Thus, I am writing to clear up confusion AND let myself vent about my views while seeking honest discussion.
Racism is wrong, no matter who is hating on who. Sometimes I think everyone forgets that 'people of color' can be just as racist as my pale face can. I will admit that I have said racist things, thought racist things, done racist things.... And I'm guessing you have, too. We all need to work on it, TOGETHER. Quit making everyone else feel like the anti-Christ when they misspeak or have skewed thinking. Maybe by having dialogue instead of hate, we can actually try to rid the world of racism.
This all came about because of my post, remember. I questioned the media coverage of the Trayvon case in Florida(????(I suck at geography)). There was an uproar. Not really an uproar, but enough people pissed that I felt bad and kinda mad that everyone assumes the worst.
Media is racist. Not always, but generally. They don't always tell you everything exactly how it happened, or they make it sound worse or better than it actually is. That we can all agree on. I don't believe in civil justice unless it's in self-defense, which this obviously wasn't. I also don't believe in hating in, or killing, someone because of the color of their skin. But shouldn't it also go the other way? Shouldn't I be able to LIKE someone for more than the color of their skin? Sometimes it feels as if America is trying to 'make it up' to the people it hurt, when most of them are already dead. By trying to make it up to Blacks/Asians/Jews, those in power are just enabling another generation to hate each other for being different.
So what? I obviously don't have skill the answers (or any at all for that matter), but here's my idea. Let's actually talk about racism and bigotry. I will admit that I mostly judge people by their religion, which is probably (as a Christian) one of the worst things to judge by. Racism isn't my biggest problem, I don't think. I could be wrong. But isn't it just as bad to judge me for being racist, when I don't even know it? I guess my point is that we need to stop looking at the world/truth as Black and White, but as fact and fiction.

They were never 'invisible'....

I support Invisible Children, and (to get a little hipster) have known about it for a while. Thus, I am torn between the "well, DUH!" reaction to the upsurge of IC support, and extreme elation at the new interest. Part of me is saying, "And how did you NOT know???!??!?!?", and feeling a little indignant about it... but I digress. Kony 2012 is a worthy cause, bringing to light what has been happening in Uganda for longer than I've been alive, but is not exactly a peaceful movement. If you listen closely, they are PROMOTING the influx of military into Uganda and the surrounding countries. I do acknowledge that this could be the only option, but the take down of Kony will involve the deaths of children who are his guards....uhhh, how is that the best plan??? Plus, IC is sort of sketchy when it comes to donations. If you look at how their money gets distributed, most of it ends up in what you see all the time: the movies. Their campaign is almost solely the inadvertant exploitation of child soldiers. I have to ask, what have they actually done so far besides play movie director? None the less, I am willing to jump on the band wagon and plaster Facebook, my school, and my town with posters that are extremely reminiscent of the Obama campaign, and if that seems hipocritical, well, I apologize in advance.

random poem

random poem i made up...my hair is pinkmy eyes are greenmy life isnt what you seei love my Godmy churchmy mommy heart breaks when you yellthe world looks at melike im some punkno grammarno futureno lovebut my life is goingthrough the long haulno drugsno boozeno liesanymoreill prove them wrongbecauseim not what i seem