There's No Such Thing As Crazy

i know that nobody actually reads this, save like 3 people... maybe. but whatever. atleast my thoughts get out there. i have a big pet peeve, which i've discussed before to some extent. no body knows about mental illness, right? but does that make it any less of an illness? today in my behavioral sciences class i got into a little spat with some skinny, stuck up chick that obviously just wanted the easy A. i, for one, was extremely excited to take a class where i got a taste of what the rest of my life will hopefully look like. anyways, we were talking about kip kinkel after watching a video about him. we were discussing whether or not he should be moved to a mental facility instead of prison, which would probably be torture for someone with schizophrenia, which is believed to be what kip has. if you don't know who he is, he is the guy who shot kids at his school the year before columbine happened. his sentence and other things were influenced greatly by columbine, because the general public was especially fired up. when being questioned, and was later revealed in his journals, is that he heard voices compelling him to kill his parents and go shoot up his school. this was not the only reason he did it, but quite possibly the main reason. the jury is still out on this. anyways, i was advocating for his transfer to a mental institution so he could receive adequate care. then miss know-it-all decided to comment that he shouldn't get special treatment and that he obviously has a choice. to which i sort of lost control and asked her if she had any experience with mental illness, to which she replied no. then our teacher shut us down, but i was livid and started crying a little. see, when i'm pissed, i cry. it's probably left over from when i was little and no one listened when i told them what was wrong, they would just decide to let whoever was picking on me go, and blame me for everything. yes, bad memories. i am also extremely tired for some odd reason. so now i'm sitting behind a computer keyboard with a grudge and some eloquently worded jabs that will be forthcoming. are you saying that i woke up one day and chose to have violent moodswings during which i am either on the couch crying or sullen, or laughing hysterically and losing control of my words and actions? and i have MILD bi-polar. yeah, have you ever thought what it would be like to have imaginary voices in your head telling you to kill people? or to have absolutely no desire to be around people, or watch a movie, or do anything you enjoy? or be so afraid of everything you're constantly shaking? i found out recently that i might have an anxiety disorder on top of the ADD and bi-polar. granted, my bi-polar and ADD aren't that severe. luckily i can still function and communicate with some "normalcy." and you know what? i'm not going to shut up. ever. most people who are "sane" enough to fit in with society are too scared to say anything to speak up for themselves. guess what, i'm not gonna stand for that. it's highly likely that my offspring will have a mental disorder, i know the statistics well enough to be almost positive of that. and there is no way in hell that they're going to think there's something "wrong" with them. there's a little girl at my church who has a tumor and under-developed kidneys. i honestly don't know the family more than a 'hi' when passing by (i go to a huge church, OK?). but my point is, would you tell that little angel's family that she chose to have a tumor? no. then why do we blame kids and adults with mental illnesses for their sickness? personally, i look to my fellow crazy and call myself bi-winning. (PS heres the site for the little girl. http://princessmaggie.com/Princess_Magdalene/About_Me.html her name is Maggie. my prayers are constantly with the family... )