you found me - the fray

"You Found Me" is a tough song for me. It's about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you’re let down, sometimes you’re the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I’m still right in the thick of it. There’s some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest.
I kept getting these phone calls from home - tragedy after tragedy... If there is some kind of person in charge of this planet - are they sleeping? Smoking? Where are they? I just imagined running into God standing on a street corner like Bruce Springsteen, smoking a cigarette, and I'd have it out with him.
-Isaac Slade, The Fray

Before you read the rest of this blog, watch this (the second one is taken with a digital camera hanging from a pipe behind one of the guys, watch the first one and see if you can see it):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WR4kyadzLzM or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOff1KxOduQ





okay...if you didn't watch, the rest of this will mean nothing, so sorry about your luck.



i found god in a psych ward personally. he didn't smack me over the head or anything. he came to me in the form of a depressed psych patient. ironic, huh?

anyway, this song is really specala to me. especially the part that says "you never sent me no letters, you've got some kind of nerve, taking all i want"

that line is important to me because, and most people don't believe this, but i'm in a really tough time. i won't go into details, but gods been piling on the phone books (will explain in later post). i gave up on him for one day, but didn't really survive to well like that.
i believe we all give up on the world at least once month. maybe more.
giving up somehow seems easier that keeping on. but if you've ever been faced with your own power to take a life, you know the emotional tension. you know what happens to your heart. the power is intoxicating but also humbling. there are few people in the world who can handle life and death without going insane.
what i really believe is that God meets us each somewhere special. im not talking about when you accepted christ. im talking about the moment you yelled at him, your rock bottom. as i said, mine was in a psych ward. i didn't really realize t at the time, but that wasmy rock bottom and my realization. i want to hear, what was your 'you found me' moment?

lost is to found

lost is to found

life is lost
death is found
strange places
all around
shackles removed
but they comeback
lives abused
will you react?
love is not
a worthy gift
life revolves
chronic shift
planets move
block the sun
this pain of mine
just begun
degrees of guilt
of life of death
only moments
final breath
in itself
the gift of life
always ends
remaining strife
love your neighbor
as yourself
who do you
turn to for help?
remember those
who have your back
always adding to the stack
of the pain
hurt and fear
but will you
shed a tear?
life and death
love and hate
how will you reciprocate?
life is lost
death is found
strange faces all around
shackles removed
but they come back
lives abused
will you react?

list of stupid stuff

list of thing you should never do (some of which i have done, but i won't tell you which)

1. Make out with someone you can't remember the name of
2. have a lot of champagne before entering new York city
3. let a guy in NYC twice your age hit on you
4. go back to that guy and get his number
5. snort Prozac
6. smoke anything given to you by someone with over 10 piercings
7. buy banned books from Wal-mart
8. seduce guys who own ninja swords, Tripp pants, and toy cars
9. tell someone the name of your school mascot (OK maybe this only applies to me, our school mascot is a Trojan)
10. take advice from someone who won't let you see the pictures on their camera
11. kiss someone of the same gender to seduce somone else
12. let your best friend feel you up
13. make friends with people only for their drug habits
14. drionk someone elses corona
15. walk barefoot on hot concrete
16. wear a tank top to seduce the mexican workmen
17. drink listerine
18. take pictures while crossing the street
19. ask someone if they have 'shrinkage'
20. (drum roll) try to join wicca

worried?

Worried?


worried guys?
bout my pain?
wondering if i'm sane?
look at me!
see this smile
been there all the while!
y'all come back when you're ready
i'll be waiting here
where the grass is always green
the sky is always blue
neatly trimmed hair
perfect round kick-balls
straight pressed shirts
and the kid in the corner
listing to the side
singing her own song
in her head
dancing to the music
in her brain
the haunting tune
slips from her lips

that is my song
those are my lips
that is my head
listing to the side
WORRIED?

strings attached

have you ever drawn a picture of your heart? i just did it. first off i suggest you only use 3 colors, like the crayons that come with children's menus at restaurants, because humans really aren't that colorful in a 2-d sense, more in a 3-d-omigosh-i-never-saw-that-before-but-there-are-only-limited-colors? way, and trying to project your 3-d self onto a 2-d paper is hard enough without trying to get all those intricate pieces right, which require even more colors that you don't even know about. and anyways you shouldn't need too many colors, you really aren't that complicated, if you think so, you are a little too self centered, or else a little monk-ish. you should also listen to one of those soul-searching musical numbers from rent (such as seasons of love) or whatever musical you really like.





REVELATION OF THIS EXERCISE:


i learned that there is no coincidence (sorry joey). Gods hand is in everything.

i see this specifically because there is one person who kind of started my complete reformation in an unexpected way. i did my picture so that i put names connecting what parts of my life they have impacted.

i also realized that my heart really is as flimsy as that paper. maybe i should crumple it up and rip it in millions of places, tape it and staple it back together, then maybe it will slightly resemble my physical heart and my emotional heart. maybe a more accurate portrayal might be strings in a heart shaped box. get it?

punch line: you get my heart, strings attatched!