Raw Faith

This is a concept that has started plaguing me. I don't know when the phrase came to me, but I now know that i want to embrace it, whatever that means. Maybe I should first explain this concept.
The only way I see to explain this is through music. In simple terms, our faith needs to be acoustic. It needs to be, almost, a capella. By this I mean, our faith must be able to stand and be exhibited 'outside of our comfort zones.' That's a term my principal uses; 'outside our comfort zones.' Now, while sometimes it can seem almost hypocritical in context (not by him, but by the surroundings in which he says it: chapel at a predominately white, Christian school with a high academic record) we must take this into consideration. I am not writing this out of scorn for others, my faith is far from raw. I am writing this because of my concern for the Christians I see around me, and for those watching these Christians.
Paul was not a wimp. It did not take wimpy faith to move mountains, it took faith the size of a mustard seed. But it's like a high grade diamond or an atom; there is infinite value and power in that mustard seed of faith. It was raw faith that took the children of Israel out of Egypt, through the Red Sea. They parted the Red Sea, darnit, and we think that going to church every Sunday is going to cut it? How about Elijah at Mount Horeb? How can we settle for a mediocre faith when a girl was martyred in her high school for her faith, in the U.S.(yes, that is debatable but I will always believe in the 'Yes')? When has God ever asked for the mediocre? The mundane? What are words that describe God? Is 'normal' even close to a synonym for anything God is? As Christians we should want to be more like Christ, the most 'radical' leader ever, but we sit in Bible class or Sunday school and talk about Christ like a normal human being! This is angering me as I write it! We defend the music we listen to, or the TV shows we watch as being 'real' and 'raw,' but we seem to think that our faith should be different. Generation X is asking these questions about life, but even the Generation X Christians are wondering themselves or else unwilling to go out on a limb with their faith when, in actuality, abnormality is praised and admired in this culture. You can't tell me Snooki is normal and yet people are crazy about her! The subcultures that shock adults these days are a cry for help yes but also an invitation! If someone were to speak to someone in the language of 'Raw,' we would have millions of followers but no leaders are willing to be raw, themselves. And those leaders that are, are ridiculed for being too *insert current derogatory term created by right-wings here*.
Though this 'raw faith' would create problems for leaders of all sorts of Christian institutions, I think it needs to happen. Christ turned over tables in the synagogue so why shouldn't we show our passion for Christ in our churches and schools? Why should mediocre be good enough for us, a group of people that stemmed from a leader beaten and hung on a tree? Why should a sophomore in high school be the one to say this, when many adults in your church on Sunday could say it with more eloquence and social standing? Why is no one raw?

I Dare You To Move

I haven't blogged in a while. I'm sorry. Anyways, I decided to blog on this vid a while back, but never got around to it. Now I'm feeling compelled. Partially because I'm angry at some people and partially because.... well, IDK exactly. So, I'm volunteering at my church, which is pretty beast. But as I do this, I'm realizing how few people (including myself) really live above reproach. No, I'm not trying to bad-mouth people. I'm saying that in ministry people are held to a higher standard, even students who lead.
What I'm getting at is: (and I'm including myself in all of this) Stephen was stoned. Paul was persecuted and killed. Peter was crucified upside down. Mother Therese wore the worst shoes of the batch so others could have the best, to the point of her feet being deformed. Cassie Bernall was shot in the head. Someone claiming the name of the gospel cannot let themselves become soft. anyone who does shames that name.
Yes, we all have problems and 'junk,' but at some point we must look beyond that and just move. Sometimes the dare is bigger than us; and if we truly work for a God bigger than us, what can we fear? 'Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big you God is.'
I was asking God this weekend how I can go through this storm without any strength at all. Then the words came on the screen: The joy of the Lord is our strength.
Hello, my name is Abigail Jillian Dunson, and my name means 'the joy of the Lord.'

I AM

I am
not what society dictates
I am
a virgin
I am
eating normally
I am
happy with my body
I am
not going to get pregnant any time soon
I am
not a slut
I am
not JUST an object

I am
a Christian
I am
worth it
I am
daughter of the King
I am
beautiful

And I don't care what you think of me
Because my worth is in Christ

Musings of a Beggar

i am listening to a song by a friends band, i am band. the song is beggar. it talks about being human, just like you, and having everything on top of you. i know this feeling very intimately, we are lovers, have had many encounters with it on street corners. she is a cruel mistress. one of the lines is something to the effect of, i can't believe the world has treated me this badly. this one i know even better than having the world atop my shoulders. i was talking to the school counselor the other day about everything going wrong, which it seems to be doing all the time. she looked at me and said i could get through it, because I've made it through being ostracized for taking the fall for things i had done, what i hadn't even done, and made it through without dying. realizing that gave me strength. but sometimes making it through isn't as important as how you get there.
that's not the point. the point goes back to wondering how the world can do this to you. the world, satan, demons, etc., only go after the ones who can make a big difference in the world. that gives me more comfort than anything else I've ever heard. because, for some of us, we go through crap. a lot of it. and the only light i can see is doing something great for the kingdom. that is the light at the end of my long tunnel. and when the tunnel feels like it's closing in, i have to remember who i am, and that i must have a pretty big purpose, or else the snowballs wouldn't keep flying so fast and furious.

last thing, i really want you guys to do something for me. spread my blog to 5 people. i want to see what we could possibly do as a community for orphaned anythings, lost causes, and beggars. i truly believe that music is the best medicine, and second best is philosophy. maybe we could become a big community of lesser knowns. that's who i am, a lesser known. but not all of us beggars, lesser knowns, and lost causes are saved. not as in accepting Christ, but saved from themselves. please and thank you.

the law of syllogism

so i'll admit it, i had a self injury problem/addiction. now i will never live it down because my mother is so worried.
today i had a puffy eye. last night, i was up late at my church small group having a great ol' time. (she came from UTICA!) so my mother jumps to the conclusion that i am sad and hurting my self. here are the facts: i have been having a great school year, i'm a little stressed because of exams, i hit my hand on the little metal thing on the door and it left a large scratch, i got to bed late last night for a good cause (i'm not your scribe!), and i'm F******* tired.
this is my mothers chance to discover the law of syllogism: If Abbey has a puffy eye, then she was crying. If Abbey was crying, then she is cutting. Therefore if Abbey has a puffy eye, she is cutting.
guess who will now be interviewed every day after school to make sure everythings alright? (even though i'm having the time of my life)
sorry to post my frustrations, but i thought it was such a ridiculously funny situation. (i started laughing then got told off for not being serious)

from my old blog on myspace

July 07-
does the rest of the world see me as completely crazy? not that thats a bad thing, im just wondering cuz on saturday my mom said that people keep asking if i take acting classes or something and that made me laugh........but really do i need to stop acting so crazy? or does my love and compassion overide all the stupid things i do? today someone told me that they wanted to take me home cuz i was helping at a wedding, is that the real me? or my creative highs (that are supposedly unhealthy says my phsyciatrist)? when im with my best friend laughing? or when im with my saturday lunch group busting a gut? acting all emo and scaring my friends? or being the good little christian girl who helps in primary?

seriously, think about it, whats the real you? the person you hide from your parents or the person they see?

truelly i think that maybe the real you is a combination that perfects itself with help from those you love, when you get in trouble or witness a death, when you rely on someone and they tell you the right thing or when you make monumental mistakes that impact you forever, when you accomplish something for the first time or fail dismally, or even just have coffee with your best friend in the world..... thats what perfects you, gains and loses, trust and failure, accomplishments and forgiveness when you shouldnt be forgiven. everyone learns from something, someone, or somewhere........to be themselves. i dont think i could servive without about all the people ive ever met... because in some little way everyone ive ever met has impacted my life and taught me something. i wouldnt be here today without so many people, from random passersby to those ive known my whole life to the three awsome peeps i met in the phsyc ward and kyles sis sarah to the eye kandy at the powell pool; everyone, in some little way, has done something to me in some way that has impacted me. thats kind of scary to think about, i mean people are then effected by me and what i do, which effects them so they effect someone else, and so on.......WOW! so i am important!..........kool!!!!

New Years Resolutions and Getting My Ass Kicked.

It's a new year. And first I'd like to share my new year's resolutions:

1. Live as if it's my last year

2. Give up all my addictions

3. Raise money for Ethiopia

4. Do better in Latin

5. Give up my life to Christ, because if my intense emotions were channeled for good, I could probably find world peace in my closet or something

Let me explain that last one. One the way home from our party at the god-parents house (which rocked) I remembered a passage from a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book that has been almost my mantra:

Carmen was bad at loving. She loved too hard.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's the only thing that pierces my heart about love, and how to love. It occurred to me that if I stopped the crusade for drama and love and all that, then I could use it for good, for God. I really hope and pray I can do that.

Now, for getting my ass kicked.

As we are watching the after new years thing with Ryan Seacrest and the Black Eyed Peas and all that jazz, we see some male dancers on stage and one of my 20 something friends says, "Oh, I hope that's not a stripper." I, of course, disagree and hope for a stripper... another of my 20 something friends says I better not be boy-crazy yet, because if I get in trouble she and many others would kick my ass. I'm not going to go into how my ass probably needs major kicking, which it does, I'll admit it.

No, I want to touch on the fact that I have those people. I love that. I almost just want to take advantage of that, because I'm one of those people who likes tough love. I won't admit it to your face, but I do. When I got 2 days of in-school, I was actually sorry. That made me feel clean again. Because I've messed up enough to know that if I don't get in real trouble, I won't stop. Which is a horrible cripple on my part. But the more I think about it, the more I love the idea of tough love. It makes so much more sense to me. Maybe that's because I have a thick skull. Or maybe I like it because it means someone gives a crap.

But that just goes back to loving too hard. I want someone to love me hard. Not in the dirty way, but in the 'lock you in the closet so you can't hurt yourself' way that Josh likes to pretend he's going to use on his daughter. I mean, if there was anything wrong with me, which there isn't right now. But I can't promise anything.

On a last note, I think I need to come out and say something that occurred to me tonight (because my mind just started having epiphanies tonight/this morning); this blog is safer than my own journal. Because my father know nothing about it, I believe, and that's why I speak freely.

Question of the Day: What do you think about tough love?