New Years Resolutions and Getting My Ass Kicked.

It's a new year. And first I'd like to share my new year's resolutions:

1. Live as if it's my last year

2. Give up all my addictions

3. Raise money for Ethiopia

4. Do better in Latin

5. Give up my life to Christ, because if my intense emotions were channeled for good, I could probably find world peace in my closet or something

Let me explain that last one. One the way home from our party at the god-parents house (which rocked) I remembered a passage from a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book that has been almost my mantra:

Carmen was bad at loving. She loved too hard.

I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's the only thing that pierces my heart about love, and how to love. It occurred to me that if I stopped the crusade for drama and love and all that, then I could use it for good, for God. I really hope and pray I can do that.

Now, for getting my ass kicked.

As we are watching the after new years thing with Ryan Seacrest and the Black Eyed Peas and all that jazz, we see some male dancers on stage and one of my 20 something friends says, "Oh, I hope that's not a stripper." I, of course, disagree and hope for a stripper... another of my 20 something friends says I better not be boy-crazy yet, because if I get in trouble she and many others would kick my ass. I'm not going to go into how my ass probably needs major kicking, which it does, I'll admit it.

No, I want to touch on the fact that I have those people. I love that. I almost just want to take advantage of that, because I'm one of those people who likes tough love. I won't admit it to your face, but I do. When I got 2 days of in-school, I was actually sorry. That made me feel clean again. Because I've messed up enough to know that if I don't get in real trouble, I won't stop. Which is a horrible cripple on my part. But the more I think about it, the more I love the idea of tough love. It makes so much more sense to me. Maybe that's because I have a thick skull. Or maybe I like it because it means someone gives a crap.

But that just goes back to loving too hard. I want someone to love me hard. Not in the dirty way, but in the 'lock you in the closet so you can't hurt yourself' way that Josh likes to pretend he's going to use on his daughter. I mean, if there was anything wrong with me, which there isn't right now. But I can't promise anything.

On a last note, I think I need to come out and say something that occurred to me tonight (because my mind just started having epiphanies tonight/this morning); this blog is safer than my own journal. Because my father know nothing about it, I believe, and that's why I speak freely.

Question of the Day: What do you think about tough love?